irony

after almost 3 weeks na naghiwalay kami, wala na daw siyang pakialam sa akin. how ironic, yung 4 year relationship namin in a span of 18 days, wala na siyang pakialam...

sobrang sakit...

the day (11th day)

nangyari na ang pinakatatakutan ko, kanina lang nakita ko, single na status nya. wala na din pictures namin. nabigla pa din ako kahit alam ko naman na mangyayari yun. umiyak na naman ako hanggang sa pakiramdam ko drain na drain na ko.

akala ko ok na ko, yun pala, pinipilit ko lang paniwalain ang sarili ko na ok na ko, na kaya ko na pero ang totoo, hindi pa talaga. hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan at hanggang saan ang kakayanin ko. sabi nila magpakabusy ako, ganun naman ang ginagawa ko. kahit na nahihirapan ako sa office, ok lang kahit 12mn na ko umuwi, para tulog na ko agad paguwi. pero pano pag natapos na lahat ng ginagawa ko ngayon? pag wala na ko ibang makitang gagawin at pagkakaabalahan?

kahit gaano ako maging busy, at the end of the day, ako pa din mag-isa..ako pa din mag-isa ang iiyak at makakramdam ng sakit.

sabi nga ni lester, hindi ko na magagawang kalimutan lahat ng mga nangyari, mga pinagdaanan at pinagsamahan, kahit na mismo yung tao hindi ko na makakalimutan dahil malaki ang naging role nito sa buhay ko. sa apat na taon, sa kanya lang umikot at sa kanya ko lang pinagalaw ang mundo ko. lahat ng gagawin ko, kasama siya sa mga iniisip ko. sa mga ginagawa kong desisyon, kasama kong iniisip kung ano ang magiging epekto nito sa amin.

pero siya, sa isang iglap, nagdesisyon siyang tapusin ang lahat. yung 4 na taon na pinaghirapan natin, bigla mong

day 8

i did not report to work today, siguro tinamaan na talaga ko. ikaw ba naman 5 days straight ng walang kumpletong tulog... anuway, went to star city last night to accompany my cousins. enjoy, kahit papano na free yung mind ko sa mga iniisip ko. at me bonus pa! paguwi ko sa bahay, tulog agad ako! grabe! very rare yun...

texted sir this AM, asked for help. last straw ko na talaga siya... he asked me to call at his house. ayun, iyak na naman ako. he said he cant interfere now kasi mukang final na yung decision ni___. huwag daw ako mapaka "losyang"... once na me mabalitaan or ipakilala na sa kanyang iba, iinform daw nya ko agad.

everyday, viniview ko ang profile nya. i dread the day na makikita ko na "single" na ang status nya at wala na yung 2 pictures namin together. worse, kapag nakita ko na "in a relayionship" siya, pero iba na ang kasama nya...

i am still hurting

laarni
Posted 22/9/2005
aha! meralco pala ha! eto sayo tanda... psst!si tanda, laging pinasasakit ang ulo ko, lagi din nyan akong pinaiiyak... katulad last night, aba 1130 na di pa din nagt2x! kala ko me hinatid ng iba eh, un pala nakatulog na! ikaw ba naman, magka-edad ng 40, eh di siyempre lagi ka ng pagod db? minsan nirarayuma pa nga yan... he he he!serious mode na nga... the road has been very rough for the two of us, many times did we try to just let go and live seperate lives but i don't know, maybe it was Divine intervention that made us still stick together despite of problems pestering our 32 months of togetherness, or maybe the love that we had... or maybe both. i love this person even if he is a workaholic and sometimes, has temper. uy, drama! he he he...hon thank you kasi kahit sabi mo nga brat ako, di ka pa din nag gi2ve up. kung minsan di mo nafifeel na love na love kita, sorry na po ha. i love you da! mwah!

laarni
Posted 7/1/2004
teka, iba yatang ____ tong lumabas ah... he he he!joke lang!ikaw pa, makakalimutan ko, eh love kita! di kasi ako sanay na tinatawag kang christopher, except na lang pag tinatawagan kita at iba ang nakakasagot :)iba kasi tawag ko dito eh... siyempre, ano pa kung di mortel! kala nyo kung ano na no!uy, nakasimangot na yan....seriously(mga ka-batch, makinig kayo), this is one person who makes me smile, uplifts my spirit especially during times of despair,and most especially the person whom i love the most. yup, siya ang HoN ko! mabait to, lalo na pag tulog!makulit din, minsan mas makulit pa sa akin. Sobrang haba ng pasensiya(kasing-haba ng EDSA!), buti nga nakakapag-tiis pa sa akin to eh! For many people, first impression sa kanya, sobrang seryoso at suplado, totoo nga, ganun siya pero once na magkakilala na kayo, kuwela talaga siya, ibabangga ka na din niya sa pader! :), if you want to have an intelligent conversation, talk to this person.He can spend entirely a day taliking about anything under the sun, especially if it comes to his plans, ambitions and ideas in life. dami kong gustong sabihin kaso baka di mo na iapprove testimonial ko dahil sa sobrang haba! hon miss na kita kahit na kakasimba lang natin kanina.sunduin mo ko mamya ha! i love you very much!...pahabol,happy anniversary!

someday

Someday
Nina

Someday you'll gonna realize
One day you'll see through my eyes
But then i wont even be there
i'll be happy somewhere
Even if i cant

I know
You dont really see my worth
You think your the last guy on earth
Well iv'e got news for you
I know im not that strong
But it wont take long
Wont take long

Chorus
Coz someday, someones gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday,someones gonna take your place
One day ill forget about you
You'll see, i wont even miss you
Someday, someday

But now I know you cant tell
Im down,and im not doing well
But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I wont have to cry
Sweet goodbye

Chorus
Coz someday, someones gonna love me
The way, i want you to need me
Someday,someones gonna take your place
One day ill forget about you
You'll see, i wont even miss you
Someday, someday

*i don't know if i can make it thru that "someday".

day 7

Evening

coffee was good last night. it was a nice feeling talking to somebody who may not have the same problem as mine but still relates to what i am feeling at the moment. we stayed at rob until 9pm, going home, it was like a trip down memory lane. i passed by places which were very significant to us, especially during the first 2 years of our relationship...

upon arriving home, i thought sleeping will be easier especially because i was dozing off in the office earlier. but unlike the previous days, i can't sleep again. you know what i did? i called him up... yeah, again. but he wasn't home. maybe he was still in school, or maybe he was off to someplace enjoying his new found freedom...


Afternoon
i cried in the bathroom for the nth time. i can't help it...

Morning
i called him once again before going to work. but as usual, he hanged up on me. he made it clear that he doesn't want to talk nor see me again. i texted sir quevedo asking how morch is, he said he seems ok, still obsessed in his studies. i went to work crying, again.

testing

just testing if this really works. have to create another blog (i have an existing blog with friendster which i rather forget)...