Updates

shucks... lagpas 1 month na pala ko hindi nagpopost dito... anyway... here are some updates

• pangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko muna bubuksan ang friendster account ko ng 1 week starting august 29! nakakapagod na kasi sumagot sa bulletin, magcheck kung sino nagview sa akin, isearch ang user name nya at tingnan kung ano status nya, icheck kung me bago akong comment, magcheck kung me message ako, isearch ang user name nya at tingnan kung ano status nya.....

• the dry run of our module for the chastity group did not push thru, masama kasi ang panahon.sayang, sana sa saturday matuloy na. contrary to what other people think, hindi ako sumali dito dahil sa wala akong boyfriend ngayon or dahil wala akong lovelife. i really believe in the goal of the goup, and i know, hindi ko na mababago ang mga nangyari na, so part of my "repentance" is to bring people especially young ones, back to the right path of chaste living

• bought the book "Be Not Afraid" by Bobby Quitain during our retreat. and guess what, me dedication pa ng author mismo :) YAHOO! it's a very nice and inspiring book. share ko lang yung dedication nya, (i know general yung mga dedications nya but can't help but think na si Lord talaga works in mysterious way) - "Sis. Laarni, trust in the Lord's plans for your life" :) - Bobby

• malapit na matupad ang pangarap ko na mag-graduate school. hintay ko lang ang mga papers ko, then mag-aaply na ko for entrance exam. iniisip ko nga lang kung public ad, business ad or i.t. pa din. at least, me pinatutunguhan na ang buhay ko di ba?

• august 30, 2007 - MOST EMBARRASING DAY ko! papasok ako sa office, pero nagdecide ako na dumaan sa Mcdo para bumili ng breakfast. Stop naman, so tumawid ako, kaso biglang nag-Go kaya dali dali akong humakbang sa plaza dahil me padating na kotse, ng biglang, PLAK! nagdive ako sa tabi ng fountain na puro lumot! as in literally, pinulot ako sa lumutan!!! Biglang tumigil lahat, huminto ang mga sasakyan at ang mga bata sa paligid ng fountain, tumigil sa paliligo para tingnan ako... sa sobrang kahihiyan, pinilit ko tumayo at dali-daling naglakad. pagpasok sa elevator, dun na ko umiyak....

Kung wala ka - Hale

Natapos na ang lahat
nandito pa rin ako
hetong nakatulala
sa mundo

hindi mo maiisip
hindi mo makikita
ang mga pangarap ko
para sa iyo

oh..
hindi ko maisip
k ung wala ka
oh..
sa buhay ko

nariyan ka pa ba
hindi ka na matanaw
kung merong madadaanang
pasulong

sundan mo ang paghimig
na lulan na aking pinagtanto
sundan mo ang paghimig ko

confessions 2

im missing him

im crying because of him and the memories

im lost once again

im tired

im afraid i will not be able to find someone who will accept and love me again

i still love him

memories

*** i wrote the article below last September 30,2004 and was published in my Friendster blog 28 days after. This was during the time that he broke up with me, he chose to stay and continue our relationship. It lasted for more than 2 years, then he broke up with me again September of 2006.I persisted again and we once again tried to make things work. It did,and for another 6 months i was happy. Until he, for the last time, broke up with me April 9, 2007... There was nothing I can do anymore. It is over.***

ANTICIPATION

Yesterday I experienced one of the most difficult day of my maturing life. You decided to end up the bond that we are currently enjoying for some time, with no definite reason at all. Yes you, who essayed his feelings with fervent behavior, who promised that would join me in facing life's challenges. You, who never give up even though, a couple of times, I already wanted to. The person whom I love the most, you. But with just a snap of a finger, you resolute to finally put an end to our relationship. What happened to us? The problems were there definitely like what other couples are facing and experiencing. Yet, unlike them we resolve those troubles together, hand in hand. We are firmed in solving them for we promised that nothing would ever come in our way. The past few months were like of a roller coaster ride. We disagree over trivial matters, and then we make up. And the cycle continues. After each fight, the promise of love was always there. Thus I thought everything was smooth sailing, but my notion was wrong, hence your pronouncement.

It is ironic to think that almost 2 years ago, I heard the same verdict also coming from you. After half a year, you asked for a chance to try it all over again, this time with a promise that we, you and I, will make it better. I accepted, for the simple reason that I am not yet over you. It was a miracle that I was praying for over the months. Today, I am facing the same dilemma; will I let go and move on or fight for what I consider is right? I did the former once; do I have to do it again?

Now, I choose to do the latter. For I promised myself during one moment that we are in the church that I would only leave you once the feeling is gone, or if there is another person involve. You also told me the similar thing. Once one of us fell out of love, there is no more sense in continuing. If your reasons are not what I had mentioned, then I will not let you go without fighting for you. Whatever problems you are facing currently, steadfast my dear, we will surpass them together, with not just you or I doing the resolving.

The question now is, will you accept? Will you give this relationship another chance? Do not let your decision be affected by the tears that you see, or the pleading eyes that you are looking at, nor the earnest assertion of my love. Let your assessment comes from the heart, sincere and true.I don't want to lose you. If the Great Man there in heaven will allow, I want to spend forever with you. If this is the last time, let me say once again say how much I really love you, not just with my heart but also with all of me. I love you not because of many reasons, but in spite of many other reasons.

dream_light 09/30/2004

***i wrote the article below September 30, 2004 and was published in my Friendster blog October 28 of the same year. This was during the time that he broke up with me. He accepted to continue the relationship, it lasted for almost 3 years..

ANTICIPATION

Yesterday I experienced one of the most difficult day of my maturing life. You decided to end up the bond that we are currently enjoying for some time, with no definite reason at all. Yes you, who essayed his feelings with fervent behavior, who promised that would join me in facing life's challenges. You, who never give up even though, a couple of times, I already wanted to. The person whom I love the most, you. But with just a snap of a finger, you resolute to finally put an end to our relationship.

What happened to us? The problems were there definitely like what other couples are facing and experiencing. Yet, unlike them we resolve those troubles together, hand in hand. We are firmed in solving them for we promised that nothing would ever come in our way. The past few months were like of a roller coaster ride. We disagree over trivial matters, and then we make up. And the cycle continues. After each fight, the promise of love was always there. Thus I thought everything was smooth sailing, but my notion was wrong, hence your pronouncement.

It is ironic to think that almost 2 years ago, I heard the same verdict also coming from you. After half a year, you asked for a chance to try it all over again, this time with a promise that we, you and I, will make it better. I accepted, for the simple reason that I am not yet over you. It was a miracle that I was praying for over the months. Today, I am facing the same dilemma; will I let go and move on or fight for what I consider is right? I did the former once; do I have to do it again?

Now, I choose to do the latter. For I promised myself during one moment that we are in the church that I would only leave you once the feeling is gone, or if there is another person involve. You also told me the similar thing. Once one of us fell out of love, there is no more sense in continuing. If your reasons are not what I had mentioned, then I will not let you go without fighting for you. Whatever problems you are facing currently, steadfast my dear, we will surpass them together, with not just you or I doing the resolving.

The question now is, will you accept? Will you give this relationship another chance? Do not let your decision be affected by the tears that you see, or the pleading eyes that you are looking at, nor the earnest assertion of my love. Let your assessment comes from the heart, sincere and true.I don't want to lose you. If the Great Man there in heaven will allow, I want to spend forever with you. If this is the last time, let me say once again say how much I really love you, not just with my heart but also with all of me. I love you not because of many reasons, but in spite of many other reasons.

dream_light 09/30/2004