unang buhos

I was listening to one of the old talks of my favorite Kerygma preacher, Bro. Arun Gogna. He was saying that success is execution,that we may have great plans but we have to do it to succeed. He asked what are the things that we have been putting off, what plans and decisions are we delaying kasi we are waiting for the perfect opportunity to do it. One of the most common reasons daw why people do  not change their life because they are waiting for the perfect condition to change. Yung tamang kondisyon sa buhay para magbago. Yun bang "bago ako mag-asawa, kelangan me bahay na ko" "bago ako magresign, dapat me bago na kong trabaho". But perfect condition do not happen. If we keep on waiting for the perfect condition, hindi natin magagawa kung ano man yung mga plano natin.

He likened it sa paliligo sa umaga gamit ang tabo. Anlamig lamig sa umaga, kaya antagal tagal natin magdecide na magbuhos na kasi sa lamig ng tubig. Pero ano ba yung usual na sinasabi sa atin ng mga magulang natin pagdating doon? Usually sinasabi "sa unang buhos lang yan malamig, pagkatapos nyan wala na" and totoo naman hindi ba? 

Ganun din sa pagtupad ng mga plano natin unang buhos lang ang mahirap, sa unang buhos lang masakit.

And I asked myself, ano ba yung dinedelay ko na gawin. simple lang, isang bagay lang. yung makipaghiwalay kay G. I've been putting off sending that text message to him saying "mas mabuti pa siguro, tapusin na lang natin eto kasi wala naman din nangyayari". I've been delaying and giving myself deadlines na hindi ko din naman sinusunod. kasi I'am still waiting for that moment na siya ang magsasabi, or kakausapin nya ko ulit then everything will be ok again with us. Why have I been putting it off? Kasi masakit, kasi me finality, and that will truly mean the end of "us" (kung meron ngang "us" to begin with).

I was asked, umaasa pa daw ba ako na maayos kaming dalawa? Honestly, oo. kasi isipin ko pa lang yung scenario na maghihiwalay na, ansakit sakit na. Yun nga langm I have to be realistic na the way things are going, chances are, doon din ang punta namin, sa hiwalayan. no matter how i hold on, this will end.

And the reflection came to my mind. sa unang buhos lang malamig, sa unang buhos lang mahirap, sa unang buhos lang masakit....  

battle cry

"You all have someone who loves you and you're screwing it up, and over what? Who has the most power? That's not love! Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what's really bothering you." - HIMYM

 Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what's really bothering you...

fed-up

11 April 2013

 

G,

sa tingin mo ok, pero sa totoo lang, hindi talaga. naguguluhan na kasi ako. ikaw ang nagdedecide kung kelan mo ko kakausapin, pinipili mo kung ano lang ang sasagutin mo, kapag me sinabi ako na hindi mo nagustuhan that would mean not hearing from you for weeks and I don't even know kung anong mali sa sinabi ko. there must be a reason kung bakit nagagawa mo for how many times na. pero I don't blame you, fault ko to. kasi pinilit ko lang naman lahat. kung hindi ko siguro pinilit yung sarili ko sayo, hindi siguro ako nasasaktan ngayon.