waiting

07 March 2013

G,

It's nice to know na you're already talking to me after almost 3 weeks. Kaso mukhang mauulit na naman because of my big mouth. My fault. I should have stayed quiet, kaso I cannot resist not saying my piece. Sinabi ko lang naman yung observations ko.

Our first one and a half months, walang palya, you will always asked how my day went. Yung reminder na kumain na is always there. Paminsan-minsan, magpapaka-sweet ka and will ask kung nasaan na ko. All those changed after your "quiet moment". Pati nga pagsasabi ng "i love you", wala na din unless ako ang unang mauna. And I'm wondering, bakit kaya?

Simple lang naman yung pangarap ko na relationship. Yung normal lang. Yung at the end of a long and tiring day, alam ko na may tao na magtatanong how my day went. Yung makikinig sa kwento, rant at reklamo ko and magsasabi na "hey, everything will be ok" or yung "kaya mo yan". Simple lang diba? Sabi naman sayo, mababaw lang ako.

I'm not asking for anything for anything more than you could give. Hindi na nga ako nagsasabi na sana kahit man lang quarterly magkita tayo. I'm trying to understand the situation. I'm saving up para kahit ako na lang ang bumisita sayo. Ano lang yung pwede kong hingin? All I'm asking is that sana huwag lumampas yung araw na hindi tayo nakakapag-usap. Minsan kasi, naiiyak ako knowing na kayang-kaya mo akong tiisin. Ganito na nga tayo, papahirapan pa ba natin yung situation?

And I meant it when I said na naiinggit ako sa Aim, or rather yung commitment and dedication mo sa group. Sana G, kahit man lang half ng effort mo sa Aim, sana amramdaman ko sa atin dalawa. Nakaka-tampo na kasi minsan kasi pakiramdam ko, hindi naman ako importante sayo. Honestly, I'm so close in giving up. Pero pilit pa din ako humahanap ng dahilan why I should stay. Mas madami pa din naman kasi yung good things versus the not so good things kaya I am still staying. A friend said pabayaan at iwan na lang kita, you want to know what my answer was? "hindi, kasi ginusto ko 'to"

I hope things will eventually go back to the good old times. Yung time na hindi nawawala yung smile ko the whole day kasi alam ko na ok tayo. Yung time na alam ko na mahal mo din ako.

Tomorrow, March 8, is our 3rd month of being together. Being a man of few words, alam ko hindi ka magbabanggit ng tungkol doon, you may not even text me tomorrow kasi galit ka pa sa mga sinabi ko kanina. Pero sana na lang you will still remember that 3 months ago, while waiting at the Cebu - Mactan International Airport, you told me that you love me. And that changed my world.

I love you G, I really do.

Laarni


*I texted him Friday night, March 8:
"probably it doesn't matter, hindi naman big deal, naalala ko lang. happy 3rd month"
He never replied.
 
Been calling and texting him since Thursday night (March 7), and no response until now. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang iisipin ko. Nakakapagod ng mag-isip at umiyak. The rational part of me knows that I need to let go, while the other half is saying otherwise. But how can you end and let go of something that you really wanted from the start?

Ang prayer ko na lang everyday, sana safe siya at sana ok siya sa bagong work nya.