Natapos na ang lahat
nandito pa rin ako
hetong nakatulala
sa mundo
hindi mo maiisip
hindi mo makikita
ang mga pangarap ko
para sa iyo
oh..
hindi ko maisip
k ung wala ka
oh..
sa buhay ko
nariyan ka pa ba
hindi ka na matanaw
kung merong madadaanang
pasulong
sundan mo ang paghimig
na lulan na aking pinagtanto
sundan mo ang paghimig ko
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
confessions 2
im missing him
im crying because of him and the memories
im lost once again
im tired
im afraid i will not be able to find someone who will accept and love me again
i still love him
im crying because of him and the memories
im lost once again
im tired
im afraid i will not be able to find someone who will accept and love me again
i still love him
memories
*** i wrote the article below last September 30,2004 and was published in my Friendster blog 28 days after. This was during the time that he broke up with me, he chose to stay and continue our relationship. It lasted for more than 2 years, then he broke up with me again September of 2006.I persisted again and we once again tried to make things work. It did,and for another 6 months i was happy. Until he, for the last time, broke up with me April 9, 2007... There was nothing I can do anymore. It is over.***
ANTICIPATION
Yesterday I experienced one of the most difficult day of my maturing life. You decided to end up the bond that we are currently enjoying for some time, with no definite reason at all. Yes you, who essayed his feelings with fervent behavior, who promised that would join me in facing life's challenges. You, who never give up even though, a couple of times, I already wanted to. The person whom I love the most, you. But with just a snap of a finger, you resolute to finally put an end to our relationship. What happened to us? The problems were there definitely like what other couples are facing and experiencing. Yet, unlike them we resolve those troubles together, hand in hand. We are firmed in solving them for we promised that nothing would ever come in our way. The past few months were like of a roller coaster ride. We disagree over trivial matters, and then we make up. And the cycle continues. After each fight, the promise of love was always there. Thus I thought everything was smooth sailing, but my notion was wrong, hence your pronouncement.
ANTICIPATION
Yesterday I experienced one of the most difficult day of my maturing life. You decided to end up the bond that we are currently enjoying for some time, with no definite reason at all. Yes you, who essayed his feelings with fervent behavior, who promised that would join me in facing life's challenges. You, who never give up even though, a couple of times, I already wanted to. The person whom I love the most, you. But with just a snap of a finger, you resolute to finally put an end to our relationship. What happened to us? The problems were there definitely like what other couples are facing and experiencing. Yet, unlike them we resolve those troubles together, hand in hand. We are firmed in solving them for we promised that nothing would ever come in our way. The past few months were like of a roller coaster ride. We disagree over trivial matters, and then we make up. And the cycle continues. After each fight, the promise of love was always there. Thus I thought everything was smooth sailing, but my notion was wrong, hence your pronouncement.
It is ironic to think that almost 2 years ago, I heard the same verdict also coming from you. After half a year, you asked for a chance to try it all over again, this time with a promise that we, you and I, will make it better. I accepted, for the simple reason that I am not yet over you. It was a miracle that I was praying for over the months. Today, I am facing the same dilemma; will I let go and move on or fight for what I consider is right? I did the former once; do I have to do it again?
Now, I choose to do the latter. For I promised myself during one moment that we are in the church that I would only leave you once the feeling is gone, or if there is another person involve. You also told me the similar thing. Once one of us fell out of love, there is no more sense in continuing. If your reasons are not what I had mentioned, then I will not let you go without fighting for you. Whatever problems you are facing currently, steadfast my dear, we will surpass them together, with not just you or I doing the resolving.
The question now is, will you accept? Will you give this relationship another chance? Do not let your decision be affected by the tears that you see, or the pleading eyes that you are looking at, nor the earnest assertion of my love. Let your assessment comes from the heart, sincere and true.I don't want to lose you. If the Great Man there in heaven will allow, I want to spend forever with you. If this is the last time, let me say once again say how much I really love you, not just with my heart but also with all of me. I love you not because of many reasons, but in spite of many other reasons.
dream_light 09/30/2004
***i wrote the article below September 30, 2004 and was published in my Friendster blog October 28 of the same year. This was during the time that he broke up with me. He accepted to continue the relationship, it lasted for almost 3 years..
ANTICIPATION
Yesterday I experienced one of the most difficult day of my maturing life. You decided to end up the bond that we are currently enjoying for some time, with no definite reason at all. Yes you, who essayed his feelings with fervent behavior, who promised that would join me in facing life's challenges. You, who never give up even though, a couple of times, I already wanted to. The person whom I love the most, you. But with just a snap of a finger, you resolute to finally put an end to our relationship.
What happened to us? The problems were there definitely like what other couples are facing and experiencing. Yet, unlike them we resolve those troubles together, hand in hand. We are firmed in solving them for we promised that nothing would ever come in our way. The past few months were like of a roller coaster ride. We disagree over trivial matters, and then we make up. And the cycle continues. After each fight, the promise of love was always there. Thus I thought everything was smooth sailing, but my notion was wrong, hence your pronouncement.
It is ironic to think that almost 2 years ago, I heard the same verdict also coming from you. After half a year, you asked for a chance to try it all over again, this time with a promise that we, you and I, will make it better. I accepted, for the simple reason that I am not yet over you. It was a miracle that I was praying for over the months. Today, I am facing the same dilemma; will I let go and move on or fight for what I consider is right? I did the former once; do I have to do it again?
Now, I choose to do the latter. For I promised myself during one moment that we are in the church that I would only leave you once the feeling is gone, or if there is another person involve. You also told me the similar thing. Once one of us fell out of love, there is no more sense in continuing. If your reasons are not what I had mentioned, then I will not let you go without fighting for you. Whatever problems you are facing currently, steadfast my dear, we will surpass them together, with not just you or I doing the resolving.
The question now is, will you accept? Will you give this relationship another chance? Do not let your decision be affected by the tears that you see, or the pleading eyes that you are looking at, nor the earnest assertion of my love. Let your assessment comes from the heart, sincere and true.I don't want to lose you. If the Great Man there in heaven will allow, I want to spend forever with you. If this is the last time, let me say once again say how much I really love you, not just with my heart but also with all of me. I love you not because of many reasons, but in spite of many other reasons.
dream_light 09/30/2004
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
IN MEMORY
3 months after, here I am trying to pick up the pieces of my broken, shattered and wasted life. I can still vividly remember the scenario that shook my then almost perfect life, the day you decided to end our relationship. I came from a talk, called you up and innocently asked what was bothering you since you refused to meet me that day. I’ll never forget the turn of events after that question. You started telling me to have a life of my on, that the relationship is going nowhere and that you don’t love me anymore. Shock is an understatement, my body went numb and I started crying incoherently, pleading for you to have mercy and to give the relationship another shot, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. You still went on with your decision, hurting me so much in the process and breaking my lucidity. You even went as far as telling me pointblank that you don’t give a damn on me anymore. That hurts, 100% brutal. It didn’t cross my mind that I will hear those words from you, from the same person that I respected, cared and most especially, love for four long years. But the fighter in me still wants to save what we had, but I was turned down one after the other. I’ve spent days after that painful night crying, pleading, contemplating, and yes, even bargaining again. There are so many questions left unanswered which still linger on mind until now: what went wrong? Am I not lovable enough? Is there another girl? And it goes on and on… The endless tirades of why and what if always crosses my mind which nearly causes me to lose what little respect I have for myself.
I finally mustered enough courage 2 months ago, to collect all things which remind me of him and of our 4 year relationship. It took me that long before deciding to finally gather all things which gave me happiness years back. Some may find it too late, but I think I deserved to have sufficient time for me to mourn and cherish what we once had. Looking back at those things brought good and bad memories. Tears fell as I unconsciously recall what we, I, had one through. I hugged his basketball shirt, smelling what little scent it still has, hoping that somehow, he can still feel my embrace even though we’re now apart. One by one, I started reading the letters he gave me. The pledge of love for the four years that we shared together as a couple is very apparent. I can still remember the giddy feeling every time I will receive a card from him, always anticipating the undying promise of love and devotion but like almost all promises, that pledge was broken.
I had so many dreams built with and around him, but like the sand in the seashore, the water washed them all away. I came across a list I made when I was still in college, listed on it are my dreams 5 and 10 years from that day on, half of the things listed there involves him, but sadly, it will never see the dawn of reality. There will now be a part of my pile of dreams that did not materialize, a pile that has been growing over the years.
Letting go and moving on are two different things, two of the most difficult things that I had to do in order to free myself from the non-stop bouts of crying fest and self pitying. I am a broken person, with a broken heart. I still love you, I really do but I lost myself in the process of loving you too much. . But primarily, I need to accept the events that happened, acceptance should be done for one to let go and be able to move forward. Standing up again after falling too hard is a tough job to do, but one has to do it, for in accepting things especially those that bring you pain and suffering are all part of the cycle of life. We can only move on if we accept the things that we don’t want to happen, learn the things we don’t want to know and let go of the memories that we can’t live without. This will be a very slow and painful process of healing, but maybe, just maybe, God has better plans in store for me. This too shall pass…
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” – St. Francis of Assisi
***July 11, 2007 - today should have been technically our 4th year anniversary. 4 years ago, you declared that we will make it better this time... 4 years later here I am, alone and broken. Trying to rise from the fall***
I finally mustered enough courage 2 months ago, to collect all things which remind me of him and of our 4 year relationship. It took me that long before deciding to finally gather all things which gave me happiness years back. Some may find it too late, but I think I deserved to have sufficient time for me to mourn and cherish what we once had. Looking back at those things brought good and bad memories. Tears fell as I unconsciously recall what we, I, had one through. I hugged his basketball shirt, smelling what little scent it still has, hoping that somehow, he can still feel my embrace even though we’re now apart. One by one, I started reading the letters he gave me. The pledge of love for the four years that we shared together as a couple is very apparent. I can still remember the giddy feeling every time I will receive a card from him, always anticipating the undying promise of love and devotion but like almost all promises, that pledge was broken.
I had so many dreams built with and around him, but like the sand in the seashore, the water washed them all away. I came across a list I made when I was still in college, listed on it are my dreams 5 and 10 years from that day on, half of the things listed there involves him, but sadly, it will never see the dawn of reality. There will now be a part of my pile of dreams that did not materialize, a pile that has been growing over the years.
Letting go and moving on are two different things, two of the most difficult things that I had to do in order to free myself from the non-stop bouts of crying fest and self pitying. I am a broken person, with a broken heart. I still love you, I really do but I lost myself in the process of loving you too much. . But primarily, I need to accept the events that happened, acceptance should be done for one to let go and be able to move forward. Standing up again after falling too hard is a tough job to do, but one has to do it, for in accepting things especially those that bring you pain and suffering are all part of the cycle of life. We can only move on if we accept the things that we don’t want to happen, learn the things we don’t want to know and let go of the memories that we can’t live without. This will be a very slow and painful process of healing, but maybe, just maybe, God has better plans in store for me. This too shall pass…
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” – St. Francis of Assisi
***July 11, 2007 - today should have been technically our 4th year anniversary. 4 years ago, you declared that we will make it better this time... 4 years later here I am, alone and broken. Trying to rise from the fall***
Sunday, July 01, 2007
people
Sir Jun sa Bamboo House sa Port Barton! Lt. Emman Samudio of the Philippine Marines. San ka pa! commandingofficer of San Vicente, Palawan
me, ate beth, and siyempre, sir jun! he he he.....
at El Nido.
The very jolly Kuya Arlan!Kuya Noy! smile ka naman! hawak ka lang, baka malaglag ang sarong, mainit!
Palawan
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Ate Beth and I at New Agutaya Long Beach At El Nido Beach... Small Lagoon
At the Big Lagoon
Sa Secret Beach! ganda no! parang me dumaang fish!
At Exotic beach!.JPG)
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