letter to nowhere

02.04.13

 

G,

Hindi ko masabi sayo sa text, hindi din naman tayo nag-uusap sa phone, lalo naman hindi ko alam kung kailan tayo magkikita kaya idaan ko na lang sa letter. I know sasabihin mo na naman “emo  emo ka na naman dyan”. Eto ako eh, you are the rational one, and I’m the emotional one.

December 08 was one of my happiest days, ka-linya na siya ng iba pang important events sa buhay ko. It was something that I was praying for almost 2 years. Sabi ko before going to Cebu, kung ano man ang mangyari, good or bad, I will accept it and will start 2013 with whatever is remaining with me.

When I took the risk of falling for you, alam ko na the distance is part and parcel of it. I know ours will be the kind wherein lagi akong mag-aabang ng long weekends at airline promo fare.  Ok lang yun, it’s a small price to pay.  I was preparing myself kasi a long distance relationship is not for the weak-hearted. Sabi naman kasi,  4 na bagay lang ang kailangan to make this work: love, fidelity, trust and communication. We have our own issues, our own sumpongs and peeves. Gusto ko nag-uusap tayo araw-araw, ayaw mo ng pinangungunahan kita. Naiinis ako kasi 3 beses pa lang tayo naguusap over the phone, ayaw mo kapag nag-eemote ako. Pinapa-kumplikado ko ang mga bagay bagay, hindi ka considerate. And the list goes on and on. But I know we’re both trying. I’m trying to be the most supportive and understanding girlfriend.

Now the confession part…

What hurts me is that sometimes I don’t think that I’m of importance to you. Nagtataka ako bakit I need to ask pa para lang tumawag ka, minsan kinakalimutan ko na nga lang yung pride ko. Sorry sa itatanong ko, hindi ka ba ready na malaman ng iba na tayo na?

Yung Sagada trip, I have to admit, sobrang disappointed lang ako, Alam ko naman na wala naman ng mangyayari, na its beyond our control but still, hindi ba ko pwedeng magsabi ng disappointment ko? I was asking you kung anong plan B natin, kaso sabi mo pag-iisipan mo pa. Gusto mo ba ko makita? Baka umalis ka na nga lang ng Bureau, hindi pa tayo magkita.

And your resignation. I’m very happy for your new job, believe me, I’m happy for you. Anything na gagawin mo, I’ll always support you. Kaso natatakot lang ako. I’m scared of the possibilities once na lumipat ka na. I don’t want to think about it, kaso I can’t help it.

I have my own shortcomings, and I’m sorry for those but as what I have said, I’m trying.  Sinabi ko lang yung confession part kasi I need to be honest with you. Kakayanin  ko yung distance and yung busy schedule mo at pagiging suplado mo, kung you’ll bear with me also. I’m in this relationship for the long run, and I hope ikaw din.  

I love you.

Laarni