He's been ignoring my messages and my calls for 6 days already. ano ba dapat ang isipin ko? I think it's over. Maybe ayaw lang nya na sa kanya manggaling. Pero matalino naman ako, nagets ko na.
I sent him these messages last Sunday 02.10.13
"I don't have any idea kung ano ang nangyayari ngayon. I'm trying pero nahihirapan akong intindihin"
"Its been days. Gustong gusto kitang kamustahin kaso alam ko naman na wala akong makukuhang sagot. ingat ka"
When I opened my facebook yesterday, uploaded pics nya ang una kong nakita. nag zipline siya and went to different places. But what struck me is that his post "I'am free".
Yesterday also is the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes. It has been our tradition, Lester and I, to hear mass in the National Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes. After Communion, I started crying. Nagsumbong ako sa Kanya. I cannot understand what and why is it happening. Naisip ko, baka nakulitan na sa akin si God kaya binigay na lang nya. Parang ganito:
Laarni: Lord, sige na ibigay mo na lang siya sa akin (This was my prayer for 2 years)God: Hay naku, sige na nga, para hindi mo na ko kulitin
I texted him last night:
"Kung ano man yung problema, kelangan mong ayusin or asikasuhin, pwede mo naman ako isama. Alam ko kasi yun yung 1 reason kaya people enter in relationships, para may kasama, good or bad times"
Balik na naman ang insomnia ko. 2 AM gising pa ko, tapos magigising ako ng 5 AM.
Hindi ko maiwasan isipin na he chose the easy, but the most coward, way out of this relationship. He turned his back on me, and walked away from us. Hindi makaka-gaan ng loob, magiging masakit pa din, pero sana sinabi na lang niya sa akin na ayaw na nya, na wala na, na it's over.
Paulit-ulit na ako, pero ansakit sakit sakit..
What hurts the most is that I do not hate him, but rather, I am still in-love with him.
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