musing

Musing

As I was cleaning our room, notebooks of mine when I was still in high school caught my attention. Flipping through the pages, reminiscing the good old days when everything is at my disposal, I saw phrases that made me smile
He must be 5 years older than me
Religious
Mestizo
Taller than me
He must be sweet
He must be thoughtful
Turning over some pages, it turned out that it was an assignment for our PEHM class. The question goes like this: What are the qualities that you are looking for a future partner in life? Young and naïve, I thought that finding a perfect partner that would suit me would be like finding the perfect pair of shoes to go with my dress. After 2 relationships and one currently, my concept turned out wrong. Yeah, like shoes, it is very frustrating to find a partner that would fit you, for shoes searching; it may take you the whole day to find out, in finding someone, it may take years or even your whole life to stumble on one. But shoes, after a couple of days, if it does not match your taste, can be exchange for another pair. If you’re luckier, you can return your purchase with you money back. In love, there is a “no return, no exchange” policy, either you continue your relationship or break it out with him, thus sacrificing emotion, time and love you had showered him.
I met boyfriend #1 when I was still in high school. He was 5 years my senior, a budding music teacher, a devoted Christian. No courtship was established between us, for it was mutual for both of us. He was my first date, first kiss and first disappointment in my belief that my first boyfriend would be my last. Plans of us marrying after I graduate surfaced, we even talked about names for our future children. It continued until I entered college, even though there are many prospects to choose from, I chose to remain faithful. I believed it was forever, that nothing would ever come our way. But after 1 year and 9 months, he broke up with me. I knew it was coming, the signs were all there, what came as a surprise was the timing, it was 23 days before Christmas. Tears came coupled with gale of what ifs and maybes. But hey, realization hit me, it was not my lost. He was in a hurry to settle down, I’m not.
Boyfriend #2 came in my life in 2003. We’ve known each other since my CAT days. We live separate lives until circumstances made us see each other on unlikely places and events. We started texting and calling each other frequently, or rather I was calling and texting him. Too late, I recognized I’ve fallen for him, fallen very hard. We became a couple, but it lasted for only a week. Why? He was not ready for a commitment. For four months, all I did was pester him, intentionally sending him messages that was meant for other people, calling him every chance I got. I stoop down so low, swallowed my pride wishing that things would change and he would come back to me. On the 5th month, realization struck me again. I gave up, maybe someone better will come along I told myself.
Boyfriend #3, a happy-go-lucky person, we’ve met through boyfriend #2. Our relationship was somewhat like a deal for both of us. He was free that time, and so was I. We decided to give it a try for 3 months, then who knows? Maybe it’ll work, despite the fact that he knew about my unrequited love to #2. 3 months passed, the relationship ended. Nothing went wrong, except we equally know that there is no future for us. Another failed relationship for me, I was running out of hope. I prayed for Divine intervention to come…
Alas, someone did come along, boyfriend #2. For 2 years since we reconciled, the road toward happiness has not been smooth. Trials and problems came our way, and they still await us, but we are coping. We are struggling to keep our relationship at bay, but knowing that we love each other makes the fight easier.
Those qualities that I had written years ago, does not fit anyone mentioned above, well, except the fact that they are all older than me. Looking for a perfect man who fits all your qualifications is like looking for gold in the sand. Time and experience taught me that there is no such thing as perfection. Merely liking someone because he fits your bill is not love. Love is about compromises, sacrifices, is must be a symbiotic relationship. Many things can disillusioned us on what love really means but for me, accepting someone beyond his imperfection, then that is love.
dream_light
0702005

shoutout

akala ko me hinihintay pa ko. true love waits and edures daw sabi nya, pero ako lang pala ang naghihintay... alam ko na, nabasa ko...i hope she makes you happy

the sweetest thing

check this http://profiles.friendster.com/4658738

translation:

Laarni

She is a very good friend of mine ... Even if you do not have met once since elementary school ... She is my best friend ... But I can say that most of the time I can not be with her or communicate with her because of my activities ... I love this girl from primary school ... Its just that when he crossed the new road to the other one of us is already wrapped around the arms of someone ... What ij *** ing hate her former boyfriend did to her ... Wage lang syang dadayo dito sa bulacan either ... All I can say is, no matter how long it will take for us to see each other ... Always remember that you can count on me ... I am still your panget best friend ... Until the end ... I love you I love you panget ...


carlong panget, thanks so much. touched ako, sobrang appreciated... kung di lang talaga masamang magwish na sana ay maghiwalay na kayo ni special someone mo para tayo na lang sana, gagawin ko. grabe effort! love you too!

Realizations

The realize-blah,blah,bl ah survey..

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I LOVE:.
♥ myself

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT MY LAST EX:.
♥ still affects me

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I SAY:.
♥. stupid things sometimes

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE:.
♥. to start again and accept things as it is

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I'VE LOST:.
♥. him forever

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I HATE:.
♥. that a part of me still wants to hope and hold on

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT MARRIAGE IS:.
♥. not coming in the near future

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT THE BEST:.
♥. is yet to come

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT LOVE:.
♥. means knowing when to let go and when to stop

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT THE LAST TIME I CRIED:.
♥. was yesterday. it was a very heavy experience, heart breaking

I'V E COME TO REALIZE THAT, WHEN I WAKEUP IN THE MORNING:.
♥.i should thank God for waking me upand giving me the
opportunity to make things right

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT BEFORE I GOTO SLEEP AT NIGHT:.
♥.i should think happy thoughts

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT RIGHT NOW:.
♥.i'm ok, not totally but at least it's a start

I' VE COME TO REALIZE THAT BABIES:.
♥. are blessings

I' V E COME TO REALIZE THAT TONIGHT:.
♥. is the start

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT TOMORROW:.
♥. will be another day towards moving on

I'VE COME TO REALIZE THAT I REALLY WANT:.
♥. to move on

untitled

what's the worst thing than finding a worm in your apple?
Answer:finding a half eaten worm in the core

what's the worst thing in finding that your ex-boyfriend has deleted your testimonials to him?
Answer: finding that he already has a new girlfriend by his side.


i totally broke down into pieces. the person was the only girl in his featured friends list. i viewed her profile out of curiousity, and voila! his testimonial says it all. the testimonial maybe ordinary for some, but for me, finding the in initials "OAO" at the end is heartwrenching. "OAO" means "One And Only". i should know, i used to receive letters from him with those initials written at the end.

she is of my age, a student of UST's college of law, hails from pangasinan, and from his testimonial, a shop-aholic and a good and humble person.

it's been almost 9 months, pero para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ng makita. siguro dahil sa gitna ng mga nangyari, umaasa pa din ako na babalikan nya ko at magiging maayos ulit lahat at bubuuin ulit namin ang mga plano at pangarap namin ng sabay.

christopher, morch, hon, mahal na mahal pa din kita. ansakit sakit na. kakayanin ko pa ba? sana oo. sorry kung hindi kita napasaya at nabigay ang mga kailangan mo. uulitin ko, ansakit ansakit.

eto ang realidad ng buhay. na kahit gaano mo kamahal ang isang tao, kahit na gaano mo pa ipilit ang sarili mo, kapag umayaw siya, wala ka ng magagawa para mapabago pa ang isip nya.

kahit gaano kadami ang luhang ilabas mo at pagmamakaawa na gawin mo, hinding hindi na siya babalik kahit kelan.

kailangan mo ng simulan kalimutan ang mundong ginalawan mo na kasama siya, kasama ng mga plano at pangarap na binuo mo kasama siya.